my friend was on my tumblr today, and she went to me: “who’s hogwarts?”

i was like:

Excuse me while

What if Facebook had anon?

i'd have way too much fun

what is that motherfucker doin to his food all day??

How to put out a fire..

When people are at your house, and then they're all like.
"hey do you have a bathroom?"
"Noo not at all, we shit in the yard!"

When your parents ask you...
"Hey did you get home safely?"
"No I died like, four times on my way."